My ANTI-TYPE

I might be able to list all of the adjectives that describe my Mr. Right…

(and that means right for me, not perfect)

…but, at the end of the day, it seems that there’s a certain kind of Mr. Wrong who has a thing for me. And I have an AVERSION to him. I call him My Anti-Type.

So, what’s a girl to do? Well, the last time I came across said type, I dated him well past his expiration date. It was my dream, my hope, that one of two things would happen. I would get past the things that are “anti” in My Anti-Type, and I would fall madly in love OR I would get him out of my system and, most importantly, be able to spot the universal “him” instantly in the future and cut all ties immediately. So, big shocker… I’m not madly in love. And, I vow to NEVER go there again. (there being spending more than a few minutes with another anti-type.)

What is my ANTI-TYPE? On paper, he has a lot going for him. He’s smart, has a good job, has somewhat similar religious and political views, is attentive, and adequately accepts my aforementioned cat.

But, he’s also…

Overly Enthusiastic About Our Longterm Potential. My Anti-Type has decided that he wants to get married. He has a checklist of his ideal woman (i.e., smart, wants children, attractive) and I fit the bill on those basic things. As a result, he professes his love and/or lifelong plans for our future relatively quickly.

As an example, Nathanial shared our longterm plan with me after a mere two and a half weeks. He lived in the city approximately 80 miles from mine so he explained that he would begin spending at least one week night with me each week and we would also see each other on weekends.  He explained that this would work until we got engaged (right around our three month anniversary). At that time, he would move in with me. Then, after we got married, we would buy a house and move to the city where he worked (80 miles south). We would live there for approximately three years and then move to the east coast to be near his family. It was quite interesting to be told my life plan but not be asked for input. Needless to say, he isn’t my soul mate and I’m delighted that he is a part of my past, not my present.

Oblivious to Trying to Get to Know Me. Because he has already decided that I fit the bill for his future wife, My Anti-Type doesn’t have any interest in trying to understand what makes me tick.

He has developed a fantasy of what he’s looking for and he projects it onto me and then ignores anything I say or do that’s inconsistent with the fantasy version of me. And, when I try to intr0duce him to the real me, he dismisses what I say and maintains the clueless, annoying, ridiculous smile he always has on his face when he’s with me. He’s happy. How could he not be? He’s with his dream girl.

Needs Affirmation. My Anti-Type needs to be reassured. He perpetually seeks affirmation. He must hear that I like him A LOT from day #1.  Dream on. The reality is that I’ve chosen to spent my time with him over anyone else, including my cat. That is as much as I can tell him for the time being. I am still figuring it all out. And, the more he pushes me for feedback and the more needy he becomes, the more distance he creates between his feelings for me and my feelings for him. Consequently, he will never get the affirmation he seeks because I’m even less sure of my feelings for him and halfway out the door.

Insecure and Lacking Confidence. My Anti-Type has a lot of fear. He is rather focused on the image he presents to the world and has many underlying insecurities. He takes issue with the fact that I have guy friends. He needs the affirmation previously mentioned because he is so afraid things won’t work out or that someone else will turn my head. He’s so right. The moment he becomes overbearing because of his insecurity is the moment that my head starts to turn..away from him.

Overly Emotional and Sensitive. Holy cow – am I dating a girl? I can’t handle a guy who’s getting his feelings hurt every five seconds.

Enter Alex. Alex had a way of turning any little thing that might come up into my being a mean, terrible girlfriend. Prime, innocuous example:  Alex was 15 minutes late. Not the end of the world. But, annoying. Why couldn’t he just let me know prior to being late that I had a few extra minutes? But, he didn’t. My time was irrelevant. So, when he sauntered in assuming it was totally cool that I raced around to be ready on time only to sit around waiting on him, I let him know that I would have appreciated a head’s up that I didn’t have to rush.  Next thing I knew, he was whining (no joke), “Why can’t you just be nice to me?” like a five year old. Give me a freaking break and show some consideration. P.S. whining will never, ever be a turn on. Ugh!

A Know-it-All. I date guys who are smart, ambitious, and know stuff. And, as I said above, smart is one of the qualities I check off for My Anti-Type from their list. So, My Anti-Type knows I have some level of intelligence. But then… he forgets. Or, is so insecure that he feels the need to show me who’s boss. Even when he has no idea what he’s talking about. So, whether I am suggesting a place to park at the airport, offering a route to a restaurant, or cooking a recipe he hasn’t read and knows nothing about, he has a profound need to think he knows better. Well, to paraphrase Sara Bareilles, Who made him king of anything?

Overly Perky. This guy wants to turn all of my frowns into smiles. I can’t have a bad day or a bad moment. My entire world must be filled with silver linings. It’s sacrilegious that I might even have a bad day. And, he’s perpetually answering the phone with an annoying, smiley, “hellllllloooooooo!!!!!! How are yoooooouuuuuu??)” My Anti-Type practically bounces into a room with a gigantic grin on his face. I want to date a man. A strong, confident man. Not a clown.

Above and Beyond Dorky. He Dorks Out Way Too Soon and Way Too Much. This section could be one full post. But, for now, here are some examples:

Makes up Words. I’ll add some specific examples here.

What’s the dealio?

Wow – that glass of wine is GI-NORMOUS!!

Huh? That’s just not going to work with me.

Baby Talk. I’m a smart, independent, strong woman. No baby talk. This could include a text I once received from Ben that told me his plane was leaving late because the pilots were having “din din” or Alex’s (mentioned above) way of asking me if I wanted a cookie, pronouncing it “kukey.” Did someone tell him that girls want to be treated like idiots?

Car Dancing. Enough said.

Table Dancing. Enough said.

Singing while Table Dancing. No, I’m not kidding.

And, in conclusion…

There’s even more to say about my Anti-Type, but that’s why this isn’t the end. We’re still at the very beginning of this adventure…

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