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Wednesday, March 16th, 2016

surprised-woman-face-with-open-mouth-wow-bubble-and-expression-look-and-word-vector-illustration-257221273As you may recall, I decided that it is time for me to put my money where my mouth is and make it happen. I will be getting married. No groom, no boyfriend, no prospects. But, it’s time. I’ve been saying I want to get married for as long as anyone has known me. But, now I’ve set a date. January 15, 2017. I started spreading the word to share my excitement and get the wheels spinning for those who may know a potential suitor but forgot I was looking for one.

After making my big announcement to friends and family, I was excited. I had a renewed approach to the world. Every networking event I decided to attend, every fundraiser, every anything could lead to the one thing I’ve decided I will get in the next year: A HUSBAND.

I was caught off guard by the responses I received from friends and family. Here’s a sampling:

Have you booked a venue?

Um, what? I got that response from more than one person. I may be a little crazy but I’m not downright out of my mind. So, to be clear. I will not be booking a venue anytime soon. If a friend thought it was fun to check out venues, however, I’d do it. It never hurts to explore. And, it may propel me to go on a date I’m not otherwise in the mood for. But, no, definitely not. No nonrefundable deposits will be made.

Does he know?

If there was a he and we were serious enough so that I didn’t need to set a deadline to give myself a better attitude about dating, then he’d definitely no. But, no. My wedding date was not determined and kept hidden from some poor guy.

Don’t lead with this on the first date.

I’m not going to share this right away. Or at all. The way my life goes, if I did there’s an excellent chance the guy would become excited and jump on the bandwagon and then be upset when I didn’t want to become his girlfriend in advance of our first kiss.

And that leads me to my favorite comment:

You need to get pregnant in March or April.

This person assumes that the only way I could possibly get a guy to marry me is to trick him with a baby on the way. That comment made me sad. My problem hasn’t been focused on finding a guy who would commit to me. My problem has been finding someone who brought commitment out in me. Or, as a speaker at a program I went to today said…

Find someone who makes you googly-eyed.

I’ll take some of that.

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I AM GETTING MARRIED!!!

Thursday, February 25th, 2016

I

Am

Getting

Married

The date has been set!!

lovinghusbandandwifeThere is no venue.

There is no dress.

There are no flowers.

There has been no proposal.

There is no ring.

Let’s be honest.

 

 

There is no boy.

There is no boyfriend.

There is no groom.

And while this may look bad, there IS hope.

I was talking to my mother the other day when I had a very special epiphany.

I’ve always wanted to get married in January.

I mused to my mother. Then, I considered it further.

I am going to get married in January.

I stated with determination. I felt confident.

Why not? Nothing else I’ve done has worked and I really do want a January wedding. I’m going to pick a date.

My mom then reminded me it would have to be on a Sunday or it would start much too late given that Shabbat (the Jewish Sabbath) wouldn’t end early enough for a wedding in January due to the late setting of the sun. (Yeah!! She’s on board!)

After considering each week in January, I decided that I had found a date date:

January 15, 2017

1/15/17

What a great date. It’s great to look at, great to think about, and close enough to get excited about.

Time to get cracking. Gotta find me a man! Oops! I mean… I gotta find me a husband!

 

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Revisiting the Past and Beginning the Future

Thursday, February 25th, 2016

My apologies, oh special readers as I took a lengthy break from this blog and have just decided to revisit my old friend. I haven’t decided on a frequency of sharing. I may even change course and share new concepts. It is interesting to reread previous posts because:

  • It gives me a chance to dissect my writing and consider how I could have better presented my stories.
  • It gives me an opportunity to remember some terrible dating experiences.
  • It allows me to revisit my past.
  • And it enables me to embark on a new future.

I have much to remember about how to use WordPress. And, I have much to learn. How to avoid getting caught up in finding the right images, something I admit I used to spend far too much time on.

This is the power of beginnings. One step in front of the other and we’re all set to delve into the future.

4fb2e17618c932e1bba21d860c3530a2

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Holy Moly – He/She/They Asked Me What???

Friday, September 25th, 2015
Curious, confused, concerned, fascinated.

Curious, confused, concerned, fascinated.

I am shocked and dismayed at the questions we are and are not allowed to ask these days when it comes to fix-ups, online dating, and dating in general.

Acquaintances/friends can ask me whether I’m open to dating a guy who has kids but it is apparently sacrilegious for me to ask if he is willing to consider having more kids as I want to be a mom someday.

I ask friends who want to fix me up whether they guy they barely know can handle a strong woman and they look at me with curiosity and say, “how would I know?”

I want to have kids and have determined that it is critical to avoid wasting time with people who don’t. I am amazed at the responses I receive when I inquire about an online dater’s willingness to have more. Some men tell me about their vasectomies and openness to their reversal; others yet tell me about their vasectomies and unwillingness to reverse them; and then there are those judging how I could have possibly waited so long to have kids, as if I chose my current circumstances.

One guy I met online asked me what I had going on that night. I told him that I was meeting up with a friend and asked what he had planned. He told me he had a date. I believe we repeated this conversation at least four times that week. And then, a week or two later, I received the question:

Am I not hot enough?

Um… what? That night brought me one of the strangest text exchanges from a suitor who wanted to display all of his insecurities and let me know about all of the women who rejected him because he wasn’t good looking enough. How is it helpful for me to know how sad he is because his mediocre approach to online dating (saying “hi” in his deepest intros) isn’t working and he thinks it’s because he’s not “hot” enough. I genuinely have no words for this.Suffice it to say, I have never gone out with him.

So, I bring it back to the original question – what can we ask up front and what should wait to share or, perhaps, never verbalize?

 

 

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I’m BACK!

Tuesday, September 8th, 2015

Hello!!! Party of 1? Party of 2? If you’re reading this, then we know we have a party of at least 2 so that’s something to be excited about!

I’ve decided that I should never have abandoned this glorious blog years ago when I accepted a position that sucked the life out of me. Perhaps this would have helped me keep a little of me during those dark days.

Either way, as I’ve reconnected with www.jenniefromtheblock.com, I’ve been entertained as I consider the “OLD” me and the “NEW” me. Ironically, I’m older and definitely know it. However, the new me doesn’t put up with some of the dating ridiculousness that the older version once considered acceptable. I reread some posts and thought, “poor girl, she was unfortunately naive and gives a real life example of what one means when they say ‘Bless her heart!'” As such, I’ve decided I need to write a blog post with such a title. And I will!

But, now that I’ve had a little vacation from my lovely blog, I’ve decided to shoot off my thoughts and feelings without worry. I used to agonize over finding the right pictures (I even wrote a blog post about the picture exploration process) and now, this time, moving forward, I’m going to try to just have fun and not get bogged down in the pretty.

I wish I could spend all of my time recounting all of my bad dates and then to shift so that I could share my love story as it unfolds.  But, I make no promises other than to stop lying dormant, to try to avoid my personal pitfalls of perfectionism, and to put myself out there.

And hopefully I will be a little funny or poignant or interesting at times.

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Crazy For You…

Sunday, February 12th, 2012

I met Abe online. He was an attorney.

He was interested in meeting for sushi for our first date, which was to be held on a Tuesday.

The date was fine. As an attorney, there was an air of formality that wafted through the air. I don’t remember much about the date except that I couldn’t have cared less if we’d gone out again.

However, I probably would have gone out with him again. Had he asked.

(This is a lovely example of the fact that I always give guys more chances than are warranted. I would have given him another chance to connect with me. That part is true.)

That second date never had a chance to come to fruition. Sunday morning, I woke to a blinking light. I had a voicemail.

Jennie,

You’re a wonderful girl. Clearly you are.  But…

I don’t think we should go out again because… well, I’M CRAZY.

You’re probably thinking – he’s not crazy. I know so-and-so who did such-and-such. So, how could he be crazy. 

But, I AM.

I drink too much. I gamble too much. I talk too much. I’m just crazy. And, well, I think you’re a great girl. Truly, you are. But don’t think we should go on a second date because I’m crazy.

I wish you the best of luck. I love you. Goodbye.

So that’s the world I live in. Seemingly normal date = much craziness.

I run into Abe from time to time.

Once, a friend of mine asked me if I knew Abe because someone wanted to fix them up on a blind date. I told her NO WAY and that he was crazy. The next thing, I saw him across the way. Abe was at the counter of the bar where we were sitting. I told him that I’d just blocked his chance at romance and asked if I was wrong and if he really didn’t think that he was crazy but was just not interested in me and had an odd way of letting me know.

He said it was okay – he was and is crazy.

Welcome to my world…

 

 

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The Latest Disease to Hit Relationships: Phonus Interruptus

Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

Many men are afflicted with a terrible disease identified  as phonus interruptus. This deadly and deeply annoying disease rares its head much of the time and can be infectious to important relationships because of its toxic nature.

What I am talking about now is the tendency of men to allow calls, texts, emails, and game scores to interrupt quality time.  And this must stop. It is rude and communicates that whatever is happening on the phone is more important than the person in front of them.

And, when it comes to dating, this disease becomes almost a joke in its inexcusability.

How is a man supposed to court a woman at a romantic dinner while his phone beeps incessantly and he picks it up to reply to the texts?

I was once on a romantic trip with a man whose phone alerted him every few minutes as to the score of the latest football game.

Couples now need to define their digital rules early in the relationship. How much phonus interruptus is too much? Which situations are okay versus those that aren’t.

For me, I have the same attitude about digital as I do about jealousy. If someone wants to be with me, he will be with me. If he wants to be with someone else (including via texting, email, game scores), he should go be with them. I’m out. 

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Pretty as a Picture

Sunday, January 22nd, 2012

I have been so hopeful, so romantic, so sickly optimistic to have ventured out on more blind dates than I can count. And, the one I’m about to share is not the worst. And it is not the best. However, it is a great example of how fun blind dates can be.

Scott and I were fixed up by a mutual friend and we had plans to go to dinner. The day of our date arrived and I pulled out all of the stops so that, when the doorbell rang, I was feeling pretty darn attractive and that Scott was a lucky guy to be going out with me that night. [Side note: this was years ago, when guys actually picked girls up for dates and girls weren’t so worried about guys being stalkers that they let them.]

I let Scott in for a few minutes and he started looking around my place. He was okay looking. He had apparently suffered from quite a few skin issues at some point that had left their mark, but fine overall. I could highlight other imperfections but that’s enough for now. I just want you to understand that he was not the best looking guy I’ve ever been out with so that you’re prepared for the magnitude of what he said next while looking at a picture of me.

You look really pretty… at some angles.

My jaw dropped. Did he just say that I looked good some of the time?

What?

I replied. Hoping I had misheard him.

This is a great picture of you. You look pretty at certain angles.

I still wasn’t sure that I understood. And, since my fatal flaw is that I give every idiot more of a chance than they deserve, I laughed it off and said,

That’s probably not the best thing to say on a first date.

And I moved on. I know people have said that particular picture of me looks like Courtney Cox and I don’t think I look like her but he apparently picked up on the…certain angles that made other people say I might look like her. The rest of the night was fine. I tried to forget how the night began and it worked well enough. 

Again, with me giving too many chances… I said yes when he asked me out again. We met his friends for dinner with the plan of going for drinks downtown afterwards. I teased him at dinner about his comment. His friends thought it was funny and I thought maybe he realized his error.

I WAS SO WRONG.

While we were heading for the car, he reiterated his earlier sentiment about me and “certain angles.” I was shocked. And not so pleased. But, maybe he didn’t understand what an ass he was. Maybe I was taking him too seriously. Maybe I’m an idiot. But, I tried to lightly and playfully let him know that he had overstepped. So, I took on a light tone of voice and said,

Hey now…if we didn’t already have plans to go out downtown with your friends, I’d ask you to take me home.

He got in the car and started driving me towards home. I was shocked that he didn’t want to redirect me and let me know that he didn’t mean it.  Apparently, he did. Oh, how I love blind dates!!

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Incredible Hulk to the Rescue!

Thursday, January 5th, 2012

I don’t think I have spent enough time dissecting the new world of online dating. If one out of every five couples getting married these days met online, then it’s obviously working out okay. My friends have been successful in online dating and  married wonderful men they met on eHarmony, Match.com, and jDate. I, on the otherhand, have not been quite so lucky. And, shame on me – with so much material out there.

Most of the time, I change the names to protect the guilty, but have opted to out this guy just a bit as I don’t actually know him.

His screen name was “Hulkman.” So, he must be quite the manly man…who knows? I never met him. He looked to be an attractive guy. His profile said he was originally from Spain and currently living in Austin.

His initial email was rather brief:

Hi, How are You doing I’m Dennis and You

I checked him out. Our religious beliefs differ and we’re both very serious about our faiths. He was out so I opted not to respond. (I’m the kind of person who always feels compelled to reply so it has been a big deal for me to just opt not to say anything at all.) A few days later, I received the following message:

Hi,

It’s a pleasure writing you and I must say you deserve it because you are beautiful.I guess I was caught by the web of your beauty. I will be happy sharing myself with you. I have read your profile and I have seen all that is written on it.As I came across your profile on this site, I felt butterflies over me because You are irresistible. I do believe that GOD spent extra time creating some people and you’re among them.

I hope we can be friends and see how it goes. The distance should not stop whats meant to be I guess. I firmly believe no distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each others worth, remember miles may lie between us, we’re never far apart, for
friendship doesn’t count the miles, it’s measured by the heart and that brings happiness ,cos happiness is the only thing on earth that cannot be paid by any diamonds, gold or money.Take good care of yourself and I’ll look forward to hearing from you soon.fallinghrt19@yahoo.com

Hugs and Kisses,

Dennis.

Does this actually work on some girls? What on earth his he talking about? And, given that we live in the same city, what is all of this distance we can overcome?

One of my friends told me to go out with him to have a good story. I asked her if she thought I was lacking in content (I beg to differ). In the meantime, Hulkman removed his profile and has disappeared in to the atmosphere. So, his story ends here… but lives on in the hearts and minds of my three readers.

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Forget About Chivalry, Where Is the Respect?

Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

Women spend a lot of time mourning the death of chivalry. And, in my opinion, this is rightly so.  At the same time, there’s an even bigger problem. We are not only throwing in the towel on chivalry and expecting very little but are also exacerbating things by enabling men to completely discard R-E-S-P-E-C-T too.

(If you’re one of the folks looking for sex, not relationships, you’re going to disagree with the rest of this post so close out now.)

Without respect, who even cares about chivalry?

 

 

 

 

I could offer up so many examples regarding the demise of respect but will share a few that are currently top of mind for me right now.

New Etiquette Rules

With the advent of so many different communication alternatives, guys have begun a siege on texting, instant messaging, and email. Instead of saying they want to talk on the phone, they’ve begun sharing their phone numbers so that their craving for instant gratification may be quenched without fear of rejection and without attempts at actual speaking. And, in the world of online dating, whole relationships can begin and end before two people have even heard one another’s voices.

One guy kept texting me:

I want you.

Really? We’ve never met, I’ve let him know that I’m more of the refined variety relative to him, but this is what I get? When I didn’t comment, he brought it up again. I told him that it didn’t warrant a response as we weren’t at a place where it was appropriate. He said:

Get your head out of the gutter. I didn’t mean it like that.

Oh, ok. Lovely.

So, it’s a special day when a guy actually takes the time and makes an effort to engage in a telephone conversation. But, in this new world where respect is no more, that isn’t always a good thing. A friend of mine is back on the dating scene after a twenty-five year marriage and asked,

During one of our first phone calls, he asked me what turned me on. It made me uncomfortable so I let him know. I haven’t heard back from him.

She was concerned that she had turned him off by being honest. Why is it bad that she was sharing her feelings? Why was it ok for him to try to get her to talk sexy before they’ve ever met. In the spirit of full disclosure, I’ve been out with that same guy. It has been a while and she asked me if I knew him when he originally got in touch with her. He and I only went out a few times. No big deal. But, he was a gentleman. With me. And, now he’s asking about turn-ons? Ugh!

 My Dream Email

I feel guilty not spending more time setting this one up. Maybe I’ll come back and explain how one of his initial emails explained (referring to his level of religious observance) that

it’s cute and circumcised and all…

I explained to him (via email) that I wasn’t his girl but would be happy to explain why that might be. I expressed to him that someone who is discussing his penis in the second email isn’t my guy but that there are girls out there who might find that cute. He told me that his goal had been to see how I would react… and now he knew. Later that day, he realized that he would actually like to date me and began the process of apologizing for his earlier transgressions.

Stupid me. I gave him another chance. And, just as I was trying to figure out when I would have a night open for him to come to town, I got this email:

Hello,

I want to spend the night. I can be there by the time you get home from your date.

We can eat brunch and I can leave.

Light petting and kissing are desired and talking will completely be up to you since my stay might overlap your quiet time.

Date, time, and length of visit are flexible and fully adjustable to accommodate your active schedule.

I think your special and I like thinking about you all the time. Soon, I will actually play with your kitty and Abby too :).

Regards,

Let me point out that my cat’s name is Abbie and that my kitty that he is referring to is not a cat. I didn’t even notice that part initially as I was incensed that he wanted to spend the night AS the first date. I let him know that was inappropriate and unbelievable. No response. I began to worry that he was going to show up on my doorstep unannounced. Who else would be that rude and presumptuous?

Two weeks passed and I received this text:

I’ve been thinking about you

It took everything I had not to reply. I desperately wanted to give him a piece of my mind.

Instead, I decided to recognize that, while I’ve been pretty lucky and have had annoying, miserable, ridiculous dates, most guys haven’t been this bad. Thank goodness.

And, why aren’t their mamas teaching them how to respect?

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